When you’re outside in the middle of the night with your best friend burning the old pictures you have with him and the poems he wrote you and the little teddy bear he won for you at the carnival that you’ve slept with for months, make sure you don’t breath in the smoke because you’ll cough so hard that you’ll throw up and then you’ll be left crying and shaking and wondering how he still manages to make you feel sick even though he’s not around anymore.
Delete his number so that on the nights when 8 shots still don’t taste enough to stop the aching and your blood turns to liquor and you let the alcohol fill your lungs till you choke, you won’t call him to save you because he’s not going to come and when he sends you straight to voicemail you wont want to be saved
Its okay to cry but when you’re pressed up against the wall screaming into your knees at one in the morning, hair in your face, blood on your bedspread, don’t let the tears tidal wave through your teeth and hit your tongue because you’ll taste him again and he’ll stain your mouth and god, that hurts more than anything.
When you were sad, you two used to go up to your roof and light matches and toss them down and watch them burn out the way you wish your problems could. Dont go up there for awhile because when youre sitting there and you turn to kiss him and remember that he’s gone, you’re going to want to burn yourself to the ground and disappear like the matches you’ve been throwing.
Read a lot of books to keep yourself busy. Fall into the words instead of falling into him. But jesus christ stop picturing him as the boy in your novel. You cant let him seep into everything, it’ll kill you.
When you go to the beach and the water mixed in with the grey skies reminds you of the way his eyes looked when he was falling asleep next to you, try not to drown yourself.
Kiss the next boy who tells you that you look like death, go to bed with someone who tells you you taste like sunshine. It’s okay to fall in love every weekend. It’s okay to forget the way he made you feel.