End of my limit …

There comes a moment in everyone’s life when you’ve had enough. When one day you just blow up because you realize that no one understand and no one will. When you’ve tried your hardest to keep it together, to hold on and not break down. But then there’s that one thing that pushes you over the edge. 

I miss the feeling of feeling. When i know exactly  how i’m feeling at that exact moment. When i thought of everything as wonderful and amazing and beautiful. I miss that. I miss being naive and young. I know, 16 is young, but I don’t feel like a sixteen year old. Sixteen year old shouldn’t be exposed to the things i’ve been exposed to. They shouldn’t be tested on everything at the higest point, they shouldn’t feel like they have to compete or that they’re in a competition with everything they do. They shouldn’t feel judged all the time, especially not with family. Young, Wild and Free, right? I am young, i can be wild but i’m not free.

I’m suffocated, with school and family. They expect too much and when i’m tired of it, I become the bad person. One mistake and everything changes. I thing that changes your life, something that can’t be forgotten because someone in the family is going to bring it up somehow. When you think you’re happy and you’re okay, they’re ready to smash that and make you remember what you’ve done. I know it was wrong, i’ve been trying to fix it. No one’s giving me a chance. Somehow, conversation lead to that discussion. One mistake and everything gets taken away from me. Privacy, privileges, my life. What am i supposed to say? How am i supposed to act? I walk away cuz’ i’ve had enough. 

Families shouldn’t make you feel so worthless and troublesome. They’re not supposed to give up on you or make you’re day worst than it already is. Right now, I don’t know what the meaning of family is. 

I’m numb, i miss feeling. I don’t seem to care even though i try to. 

They’ve said some things that i can never forget so forgive me if i’m not comfortable in my own home. Forgive me if all i wanna do is leave and be happy about it. 

I’ve reached my limit.

Love, Lisa

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